I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
