As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
