i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just googled if crying burns calories
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
