anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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