there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
