did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
now i know why i became what i already was.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
