How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
