Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's blow job season.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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