3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
