Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
