waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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