woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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