I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
