I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
