my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i out mim tonsoeep
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
