hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Couch. On fire.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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