wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
