I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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