It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
