those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are two peas in an std pod
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
