does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
