Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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