And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
