I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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