I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
