i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
