My room smells like vodka and shame
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
