You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
