Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
