Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
