Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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