I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
