Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
