You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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