I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
