i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
