i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
