apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
