i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
