My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You can't special order awesome
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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