the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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