also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
