This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
