the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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