I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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