May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
