she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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