Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
