I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
