nut hugger
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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